Thank U, 2018.

Spending the first day of 2019 by reflecting on the previous year.

2018 was the year when a lot of adulting things happened. The start was really rough and every month, there was some challenge that I had to overcome in my offline life. I am just so glad that I came out much mentally stronger than I’ve ever been.

2018 was the year when I finally became 100% self-sufficient and fully independent on my own. Coming home to my own (small and humble) Japanese apartment every time from my English teaching job was something that I used to dream about. That kind of simplicity already made me feel contented. I used to live with my cousin for a couple of years (before that, with my older brother) and to save money, we decided to just share the expenses. Come May 2018 (please refresh my memory if it was really May haha) when I had the opportunity to move to my dear friend’s place (he moved back to PH) and after all the paperwork that needed to be done, the apartment was now under mine. #AchievementUnlocked huhu

During the same period, I was granted with a 5-year working visa. I never thought I would be granted with such a long time but maybe the universe also felt that I deserved it. All the hard work paid off.

My mantra for 2018 was to “Take one day at a time” which I did. I was the type of person who would try to maximize her entire day that I would be upset if I didn’t finish a job that needed to be done (I was too hard on myself). I’m so glad that I learned how to become more gentle or kinder to myself when it comes to work.

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Why I Went Back To Philippines 🇵🇭

Almost two years.

For others, it’s a short period of time. For me, it felt like much longer.

Weeks ago, I was able to fly to Manila for a short period time (9 days).

I didn’t tell a lot of people about it because it was just too short and impossible for me to catch up with everybody. I finally went home not because there was an event or some family-related emergency. It was because I was truly homesick and I wanted to see my family and I just had to take a pause from everything.

“Omg, my nieces have grown too fast…

My parents have more white hair now!

Just thinking about my parents getting older would already me feel anxious (especially when they tell me that their health is not doing good). I would sometimes feel guilty for not spending a lot of time with them when they have more energy. Sometimes, I’d wish that my mom had given me birth earlier (not when she was in late 30s lol) because I find myself being always torn between: 1) chasing my wildest dreams that could take years, and 2) slowing down to have time with my people.

After being more aware about time (the past 3 years?), I decided that I’d have to do my best with what I have here so I can help and provide more at home. Our parents will not forever stay fit and healthy, so might as well make the most of the opportunities / moments you are with them. I always pray that I would have enough time to do everything. Again, this is my brain just over-thinking as always.

Me to me (Kaila, please repeat 10x times a day):

“If you are depressed you are living in the past.

If you are anxious you are living in the future.

If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

― Lao Tzu

Up to now, It is still very hard. I always feel like I’ve been missing out on important things. I’ve been here in Japan for 7 years and I don’t think that there would be a day I would not miss home or think about the people that I love there. sigh

It’s always a hard question for me when people ask me which country I would prefer over the other. I don’t think I can ever just choose one.

Philippines is where I feel home because of my family and friends (friendships that have survived the test of time lol). Japan is where I feel I can make my dreams come true “more efficiently”. I really wanted to go home last year (or earlier this year) but because of financial limitations (I had to prioritize saving up for my dad’s treatment, #adulting in Japan, and such), I had to divert my attention & convert all these sad feelings of wanting to see home more often into finding ways on how to earn and save money (+ how to strategically schedule everything) so I could do so. Lucikly, I was able to make it (barely). There must have been some divine intervention that happened… and that is why I am also thankful for the extra luck! To people who support me through patreon / rainbowholic shop / youtube, please know that you help me a lot!

There are many times here that I would feel the weight of the entire world on my shoulders. But of course, knowing my stubborn personality, I know that I would somehow find a way to pick myself every time I break down. I hope that someday, it wouldn’t be much of a rollercoaster ride like what it is now. I really, really, really… hope. I do promote positivity through my work but what people are not really are of is that it takes a huge effort from my side to get myself to be in that good energy zone where I’d feel unstoppable and I can take anything. Maybe I was really born as a fighter, lol.

Enough of the ramblings and let me already share what happened in Philippines, haha!

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My Life in Japan as Rainbowholic 🌈

Hi all!

After months of collecting clips for this requested video, here it is!

Watch the “A Day in My Life in Japan” video here.

Most people think that when they see my travel photos, perfectly-curated instagram feed (now inactive for an indefinite period), or have watched my videos is that “I have it easy”. A girl living in Japan making kawaii journaling process videos + blogging her life for a living? Wow! (spoiler: I don’t earn that much from youtube / here. Every content that I upload has a purpose & has the similar one why this blog exists.)

Sure, I’m living here in Japan, my dream country… but it doesn’t mean that I’m just always out there having fun creating content. Maybe happily struggling & thriving would be the better description? Haha!

Thinking about it, I am still in this uncomfortable phase where every penny is counted. I have to think of the bills to pay and to live within my means. Sometimes, I have familial responsibilities and I need to also help out. When I have extra, I always think, how can this blessing help me in the future? This is why I’ve chosen to invest & reinvest in the things that I’m most passionate about even though I know everything will take time. Time passes by & I know that in my heart, if I do my best, I’ll eventually reach this goal I have in mind & I’ll just laugh about the times when I struggle. I think that even if I reach my ultimate dream, there will still be struggles too. By that time, I hope that I’ve become stronger. I look forward to the day when I just share about my entire journey & hoping that it inspires someone out there, young or old. I can only share some stories here for the meantime, haha.

Since I am feeling a little bit pensive today, I just wanna share something.

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How I’ve Been + Why I Create 🌈

Hi everybody!

Last week, I’ve made a big decision which has been truly helpful so far.

Hmm… what could it be?? Lol ~

I’ve taken a break from most social media platforms.

This might not be a big deal to some people, but it is definitely a big one for me. If you’re someone who puts herself out there in the internet world, we cannot deny that social media really play a role especially if your work relies on it too (for commissioned posts / promotions / announcements).

To be honest, social media is like both a cure and a poison for me. Poison is a little bit strong of a word but you know what I mean, haha. Yes, it’s everyone’s cure for boredom. On the other hand, it can also be an unconscious addiction. It was becoming a latter for me to the point it was being unhealthy. Not that I feel insecure or compare myself to people I follow because I actually feel admiration towards them haha.. it’s more like I get sooooo distracted and I lose precious time! (Kaila, stop exploring hashtags! LOL)

If only I could have a duplicate Kaila who could update her ig often and not feeling stressed at the same time, lol. But let’s be real, I’m only one person. If you sent me a DM and I wasn’t able to reply, I really don’t check my unread inboxes because I just feel overwhelmed and not in a good way most of the time. If I feel relaxed at that time, I enjoy opening it. If not, it has this other effect.. huhu. #sorrynotsorry

My phone is so slow now and I’m actually happy about it because it prevents me from opening instagram / twitter apps. Not sure if I will be back (as of now, I don’t feel like going back) and I think that if people are really interested in me / the content that I do, they can just always access it through my blog or youtube. That’s how it was when I started blogging a decade ago.

Bloghopping was a huge thing, haha! I still do it now and I even search for blogs for inspiration. Not sure if it’s the same with everyone!

To add, I just wanna share some realizations lately. I’m really thankful that I’ve learned these!

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