I think that this blog post will be one of my most honest / personal entries.

Don’t know if this would be of use to anyone out there but if it does, I’m happy. 

Three months ago, I was trapped in the worst kind of person I’ve ever been. I wasn’t being true to myself.. I was so sad, down, depressed. And it was because of the matters of the heart (omg, this is embarrassing to tell but wtf… -_-) and because I didn’t know where I was going. I was stuck somewhere (early quarter-life crisis? *_*)….

There were lots of nights I would cry myself to sleep out of loneliness / homesickness, wake up with the most horrible “fishy” eyes I had to hide the next morning. I lost interest in blogging, I had to stop my plans for JapanLover.me, I wanted Rainbowholic to disappear, etc, etc. What’s worse, my health problems were such a nuisance. When I’m stressed out, I tend to just eat what I like without much thinking and later on, I would feel my gallbladder “acting up” again. I lost some stones before but because of emotional stress (self-imposed lol) + lack of sleep, these events still somehow trigger “attacks”. Whenever I get attacks, it’s really the worst feeling ever! The pain, it would remind me of the days I was stuck in the hospital for a week (fresh from being heartbroken.. that’s like the worst combo ever: gallbladder problems + ALONE in a hospital room + post break-up) last October 2012. Thankfully, I’ve  learned how to control it. Anyway.. I don’t really like showing that I’m having a hard time so I try to become this bright Kaila people know. It was very hard for me because I feel like such a let-down to some people who say they look up to me .. that’s why I really make an effort to be “strong” as what they expect me to be. *_* Ughh life.

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