I am usually full and overflowing with optimism, but the past days (maybe 3?) had been quite troublesome for me lately. I am not sure if this pretentious Miss Quarter-life Crisis just paid me an unexpected visit and brought with her my negative selves that I'd been trying my best to get rid of (hi, please do not knock on my door huhu). Even if I do regard myself as "Super Woman" / "Wonder Woman" and all that (we are all heroes of our own kind right? hehe), .. I guess I'm still human after all. : )
(Kaila face-to-face with her fears, anxiety, and negative self.. who are friends with pretentious Ms. Quarter-life Crisis)
And what I've realized after this unexpected storm / mini typhoon in my life, is that.. it's okay to not feel super 100% of the time. It's kind of ironic because I just came back from a refreshing trip / vacation! *_* And then I felt scared again.. about my future, my dreams, our dreams, our family situation. Because I felt so overwhelmed and reality dawned on me, I decided to pause (more like I stopped and I let my negative self bully me), doubting myself over and over again if what I'm doing with my life is "right". If my strategy / plans are on point, and the like. And then I got a sad news from home.. and that's probably why I felt more ...askfdsjaf ;_; (a person who is so close to me is getting more and more sick and the feeling sucks right to the core). I want to go home, but it's just too impossible right now because I have obligations that I am accountable for. After all these, I felt that I was given a reminder once again--"Kaila, this is why YOU have to work hard, smart and give your best of best shot!" If I want to go back and forth anytime from PH to JP, I have to find a way to get myself from this point, to that point. Oh God, I hope I do make it there! *fight-even-when-struggling.jpg*
It's funny how shitty moments can make you learn a lot. I realized that I was letting my fears to take over me & my anxiety to steal my control. I had been letting my inner demons to make me question my capabilities and paralizing me to get stuck in the rut. This brain is overthinking on its own and creating a huge fuss over simple things (goodness, why is lyf so complicated huhu). I feel that I'm doing a lot of things, but I know that the results "can still do better". Maybe because I am being impatient, and I have forgotten the fact that GREAT things take time, even if you are doing all the possibilities. And sometimes, it's probably another signal that you have to find other ways to solve your problems even if you've done your best in your first 3 solutions / plans.
"Acknowledging that there is a problem is the first step to solve it."
When I told this to my brother, he advised to me that in order not to overthink / doubt my actions.. I just have to keep on doing, and moving everyday (stumble and fail if you have to, but you have to move forward). And I think that he is right about that because I got focused in perfecting everything to this certain output I have in mind and because of that, I began to lose focus on the progress / forgot to enjoy the actual journey itself. The more time you pause and spend lots of time to reflect / overthink about what you've done wrong (also for the wrong reasons), that's when you start digging your own hole and trap yourself in a hole you cannot get out (thank goodness for people who lend to me their ladders and helping hands so I could get out of my self-made traps lol). Even superheroes have inner battles they lose & win at, I'm sure! But what makes them "heroes" is that they come out like champions armed with learnings from the war. Win or lose, a hero is a sport! : )
Take that!!! - me
Hi "Kaila's Fear" disguised in Kawaii Stitch!
Please do not troll me again okie!!
*eyeball to eyeball*
“Turn your demons into art, your shadow into a friend, your fear into fuel, your failures into teachers, your weaknesses into reasons to keep fighting. Don’t waste your pain. Recycle your heart.”
(lol I tried to make these pops hug each other lolol)
I may have had a few personal setbacks these days (I'm so happy that I have let these out huhu).. but I know I've come out strong from these. :")
NOW, I have my army of optimism, positivity, faith, and (then demons turned into) friendly angels with me as I fight for my dreams like Wonder Woman!
I've learned that I'm going to lock the door so I will not have uninvited guests such as Miss Quarter-life Crisis once again lol. Folks, why did you unbashedly invite yourselves to my mind?! And self, do not entertain them again lolol. :))
Talking to myself as always,