Give and Take + Setting Boundaries

Hello all! :")

I hope you don't mind another reflection paper-esque blog entry by yours truly. Haha!

I just feel like writing about the things I have learned the hard way for more than a year or so.

For me, composing blog entries such as this is my personal way of telling myself that ~

"Wow, you've survived that not-so-good experience!"... : )

:hihi:

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I am the kind of person / friend who would really go out of my way for others / friends.

It is just my nature. That is how I express my care and love.

Sometimes, I do not even realize that I've become so gullible, to the point that I've given permission to people to take advantage of me / my kindness.

 As much as possible, I want to be, at the very least, nice / civil towards new acquaintances or possible friendships. And I've promised myself that I would try my best not to have any kind of judgment towards anyone... and sometimes, even if I have a bad feeling or felt wrong about someone, I would give them chances to prove me wrong and lots of benefit of the doubt. This is not me trying to be a "saint" or what. It's because I have been judged wrongly before as well, and I know the feeling. And it sucked. And if people would really decide to abuse my kindness or sincerity, I would fight back / defend myself gracefully through distance / boundaries instead. Of course, these are the ideal values that I try to achieve.. and I'm human sometimes too.

I love helping out others. Many people have helped me to get where I am now so I feel that the only way I could repay their kindness is to pass it on to others. I dislike it when people pull down other people.. or have this crab mentality. Can't we all be successful people without being too selfish?

Whether you're a newbie, or someone who has achieved so much.. I would treat you the same I treat others. I am the type of person who chooses not to treat other people differently... based on their popularity / wealth / status / # of followers lololol. Honestly, I have extremely well-off friends and I also have friends who are "gambatteru" (doing his/her best) as breadwinners of their respective families. And I love my friends equally, with or without bodyguards. Whether you have 100k followers on instagram or you choose to have private account. Whether we ride the limo or we walk together / take the jeepney, I am all game.

I just want to share this learning experience I've sort of struggled with last year. And it really opened my eyes that even if I treat or try to understand others' situation... others will not just ever budge and do the same towards you. And sometimes, they even make you feel like.. (excuse the term), crap. For some unknown reason.

Actually, I just realized that I've been into many situations wherein I have let others to openly abuse me... *_*  I am aware that I am in a very delicate position since I represent many parties (such as Japan Lover Me / Kawaii Philippines, etc.). Even if I have a odd feeling towards a person / company, I have to detach myself and my not-so-postive feelings.. and of course, be "professional", because that's how it should be. : )

Last year, because of my eagerness for Kawaii in Manila 2 to actualize, I have put my own self to be in quite.. stupid (?) circumstances. I am not regretting that those happened, but I am actually thankful because such incidents can be converted into reflection paper-esque blog entries.. such as this, haha. And I know better now. ^_^

I met someone who I thought could genuinely help us with Kawaii Philippines / Kawaii in Manila 2 planning. I do not want to go much into so much details so I would just summarize the experience. With all my sincerity to help out, I have given this person so many ideas, information, introduced him / her to the key people in my industry (sent emails and all of that, did research for him/her).. and later on, when I was trying to get information about the "help" he / she has promised to Kawaii Philippines / Kawaii in Manila 2 planning team, this person felt like he was looking down on our capacity to actualize such a then grand idea of jumpstarting a cute-centered convention in Manila. When we initially talked about Kawaii in Manila 2, we only estimated around 200-300 con attendees (around that number, as far as I could remember). Then this person told us that we should set the number higher, like a thousand, so that the proposal we were working on to get funding can be more enticing.. and so we did. When our Kawaii convention project got turned down (I was given only a forwarded email of a short rejection letter.. and in Japanese, wth), I thought that we could still organize together Kawaii in Manila 2. But then out of the blue and suddenly, it became different.. this person told us that holding a convention with thousand expected attendees would be just too impossible (got so confused there) and we should aim a "more realistic approach". And for me, it was a bit insulting... I didn't want to be involved with him / her again.. because if I / we did, KIM2 would be sacrificed. It turned out that this person was concentrating on his / her other project instead which involved a lot of money, I believe. I wonder what would have happened if this person did not meet me and I did not introduce him/her to my colleagues in the industry? Only God knows. I do not know why others can take it... if they need you, they treat you nice. But once they no longer find any use for you / they have realized they have taken what they needed already, they leave you hanging. How can someone live like that? It's one of Kaila's wonders of the world, haha.

After that horrible work experience wherein I have learned so much, I was so pumped up to make "Kawaii in Manila 2" a huge success, even if we didn't have any convention planning experience before. And you could say that our success was indeed.. a "nice revenge". I do not like the term revenge because it comes off too negative / tastes like bitter but it's the closest word to describe it. However, I think that this person could even care less even if our convention flopped or succeeded. That is why I really tried my best not to feed my drive to make KIM2 as a form of a sweet revenge. Maybe at the start, that was my fuel (empowered kawaii girl appears, kidding hahaha)... but later on, with everybody's support and cheers, I became more energized because of our (then shy) kawaii community, rather than "wanting to prove this person wrong". : )

And this is why adults or veterans should not judge any kawaii-looking / child-like professional that he/she is not serious about work . I may be into kawaii stuff (for others, they think it is childish) or I may be young-looking but if it comes to work and professionalism, I will also show you work and professionalism. : )

At that time, I realized that this person was not really sincere about reaching us. And indeed, he/she has another vision with spreading Japanese culture (... maybe for $$$?). From that experience, I have learned that I shouldn't be too nice and I should strive to be less gullible so I can filter out who's real or not. I've learned that I shouldn't be easily swayed by the flowery words and flattery from a person who loves to brag / make himself/herself appear high. Show me your innermost sincerity without being shady, and.. maybe we both can work together. : )

"Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them. You have to figure out who's worth your kindness, and who's just taking advantage of you."

Even though that incident was more work-related, my learnings from that.. have really overflown. And still, I feel blessed because maybe.. The Guy Up There (Hi God), gave me that incident to prepare me for bigger challenges. Now, I feel like I have a radar. It it is not me being judgemental, but it is me being wiser.

Some people would approach you and befriend you.. not because they have sincere intentions. Some have other ulterior motives and they only like you because you have connections. Hashtag harsh reality, yup.

"If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative. Know when to close the account."

Of course, even if I had a bad experience with this person, it does not mean I should think of others / see the world in a negative way. And that this world has many fake people ... users. Of course not. There are sooooooo many beautiful things to rejoice about and one negative experience should not spoil that.

It is just that, the world is well...  like that. And I just have to toughen up myself not to lose my faith in humanity (lol deep haha) or see others in a negative perspective at default. I think my judgement and knowing when to set boundaries really needed improvement that time. That is why I observe more now. And I believe more in actions rather than words. It is so easy to say that you give a damn about the world / others, but it is hard to actually make your real feelings / intentions felt.

I learned that helping others blindly is not a generous kind act,.. and is actually almost stupidity. If I would use an analogy for this, you could say that this is similar to lending money to others and at the same time.. you're the one blindfolding yourself to not see the reality.. that they are using the money for the wrong purpose.

This time, I will still be kind & helpful.. but not foolish anymore. I know now when to give, and when to stop giving. : )

"There are two kinds of people in the world:

Givers and Takers.

The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better."

And lastly, here is my favorite relatable quote to end this reflection essay lololol.

"People can only take advantage of you when you let them."

Thank you for reading~ hope you've also learned from my experience.. since clearly, I have learned a lot, haha! : )

Love, Kaila

8 thoughts on “Give and Take + Setting Boundaries

  1. Sometime in my life, I had a similar experience. Finally, have to keep with the good things and learned to the experiences of our life.
    Fluffy hugs!
    – Miss Alpaca –

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  2. ” And if people would really decide to abuse my kindness or sincerity, I would fight back / defend myself gracefully through distance / boundaries instead.”

    I really like all your reflection posts, because it makes me feel that I am not alone in learning and growing (and I’m sure you make many people feel that way too!) Mistakes help us to grow into better people who can care for and share with the people who truly matter. (: I find it a bit sad sometimes, that people I used to think highly of, or like a lot, turn out to be people who are cunning, but oh well.

    Ganbatte~! I hope to attend KIM3 again this year \o/

    With love,
    Amaya

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  3. I’m sorry that you have had to go through those situations I have the same kind of personality you do. Regardless of being hurt so many times by people I thought were my friends in the past I still fail to see when someone new in my life wants to take advantage in me I blindly fail to see that someone or anyone at all can indeed be evil. I go out of my way to make other people feel comfortable or happy even if it makes me feel uncomfortable just because it makes me feel good to be kind to others because it’s just who I am and how I’m built and I don’t see it as a flaw.

    It happened to met a lot in the workplace I once met this girl that I ended up considering a really good friend at one point. I would always do my job and even would help her do her job or do all of her job because she would say that she had to study for school or do something else at the moment to make a long story short I gave her my heart as a friend and she ended up making lies about me and almost got me fired from the company thankfully I quit before I was fired. Later on I heard she ended up getting the raise that I had been promised during the time I was still working there I felt so hurt and like such a fool. There is so much cruelty in the world but also a lot of good I guess I’m either to kind hearted or just to naive. I want to believe that in the world everyone is good but sadly the world just does not work that way. I guess that’s why God allows us to make our own choices because even though we make our own choices we learn from our mistakes and they help us grow into better people.

    You are such a hardworking, kind, special, and amazing individual I wish only the best for you and hope that my positive prayers and thoughts will help ward off those negative and evil people from your life.

    I think the world needs more people like you and me because regardless of all the bad in the world we want to believe that there is only good and that way we spread positive and happy energy where ever we go. ;)

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  4. First of all, I want to hug you Kai! You are an inspiration because of how big you dream and how hard you work towards that dream, and that is an attitude to be emulated not just by kawaii-loving people but EVERYONE!

    Second of all, the gall of these people who have superiority complex! Nganga tuloy siya! Sometimes we really can use these kinds of people to give us fire in our hearts. I was super happy to see the KIM2 photos because it looked like everyone had fun. :)

    And lastly, everything you said is true. There are a lot of people who do not have any idea how hard it actually is to be a blogger. Kala nila walang kwenta at sayang sa oras (may hugot???!) and instead of trying to understand they put you down. Walang basagan ng trip! In an ideal world everyone would know the meaning of respect.

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  5. @Amaya: Hello Amaya!

    Thank you for reading and leaving your insights! And yes, I do feel that we grow together, haha! All I could say back to these people– “Oh well”, haha! : ) Hope you have an amazing 2015 ahead! I am waiting for our kawaii adventure date here in Japan ^_^

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  6. Ate Kaila, you are one of the kindest, humblest, and most genuine people I’ve ever met and you’re such a great blessing to the people around you. On a personal note, I’ve always felt like you always give so much help to other people and it’s really REALLY admiring that you don’t give up on anything and you just keep going up without having to act all superior with all of your achievements. You’ve always helped me, like a /real/ big sister and I’m still working hard on being able to pay back every good deed you’ve done for me ♡ This blog post contains so many eye-opening things and it just reminds me how amazing you are. *hikbi hikbi* Love you, Ate!! Ganbatte always~

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  7. HOYYYY ano to nakakaiyak ahuhuhu! Thank you for being my imouto-chan! Love you! :* Nakakapang-hikbi naman etong comment na to hahaha

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