Hello all! :")
I hope you don't mind another reflection paper-esque blog entry by yours truly. Haha!
I just feel like writing about the things I have learned the hard way for more than a year or so.
For me, composing blog entries such as this is my personal way of telling myself that ~
"Wow, you've survived that not-so-good experience!"... : )
I am the kind of person / friend who would really go out of my way for others / friends.
It is just my nature. That is how I express my care and love.
Sometimes, I do not even realize that I've become so gullible, to the point that I've given permission to people to take advantage of me / my kindness.
As much as possible, I want to be, at the very least, nice / civil towards new acquaintances or possible friendships. And I've promised myself that I would try my best not to have any kind of judgment towards anyone... and sometimes, even if I have a bad feeling or felt wrong about someone, I would give them chances to prove me wrong and lots of benefit of the doubt. This is not me trying to be a "saint" or what. It's because I have been judged wrongly before as well, and I know the feeling. And it sucked. And if people would really decide to abuse my kindness or sincerity, I would fight back / defend myself gracefully through distance / boundaries instead. Of course, these are the ideal values that I try to achieve.. and I'm human sometimes too.
I love helping out others. Many people have helped me to get where I am now so I feel that the only way I could repay their kindness is to pass it on to others. I dislike it when people pull down other people.. or have this crab mentality. Can't we all be successful people without being too selfish?
Whether you're a newbie, or someone who has achieved so much.. I would treat you the same I treat others. I am the type of person who chooses not to treat other people differently... based on their popularity / wealth / status / # of followers lololol. Honestly, I have extremely well-off friends and I also have friends who are "gambatteru" (doing his/her best) as breadwinners of their respective families. And I love my friends equally, with or without bodyguards. Whether you have 100k followers on instagram or you choose to have private account. Whether we ride the limo or we walk together / take the jeepney, I am all game.
I just want to share this learning experience I've sort of struggled with last year. And it really opened my eyes that even if I treat or try to understand others' situation... others will not just ever budge and do the same towards you. And sometimes, they even make you feel like.. (excuse the term), crap. For some unknown reason.
Actually, I just realized that I've been into many situations wherein I have let others to openly abuse me... *_* I am aware that I am in a very delicate position since I represent many parties (such as Japan Lover Me / Kawaii Philippines, etc.). Even if I have a odd feeling towards a person / company, I have to detach myself and my not-so-postive feelings.. and of course, be "professional", because that's how it should be. : )
Last year, because of my eagerness for Kawaii in Manila 2 to actualize, I have put my own self to be in quite.. stupid (?) circumstances. I am not regretting that those happened, but I am actually thankful because such incidents can be converted into reflection paper-esque blog entries.. such as this, haha. And I know better now. ^_^
I met someone who I thought could genuinely help us with Kawaii Philippines / Kawaii in Manila 2 planning. I do not want to go much into so much details so I would just summarize the experience. With all my sincerity to help out, I have given this person so many ideas, information, introduced him / her to the key people in my industry (sent emails and all of that, did research for him/her).. and later on, when I was trying to get information about the "help" he / she has promised to Kawaii Philippines / Kawaii in Manila 2 planning team, this person felt like he was looking down on our capacity to actualize such a then grand idea of jumpstarting a cute-centered convention in Manila. When we initially talked about Kawaii in Manila 2, we only estimated around 200-300 con attendees (around that number, as far as I could remember). Then this person told us that we should set the number higher, like a thousand, so that the proposal we were working on to get funding can be more enticing.. and so we did. When our Kawaii convention project got turned down (I was given only a forwarded email of a short rejection letter.. and in Japanese, wth), I thought that we could still organize together Kawaii in Manila 2. But then out of the blue and suddenly, it became different.. this person told us that holding a convention with thousand expected attendees would be just too impossible (got so confused there) and we should aim a "more realistic approach". And for me, it was a bit insulting... I didn't want to be involved with him / her again.. because if I / we did, KIM2 would be sacrificed. It turned out that this person was concentrating on his / her other project instead which involved a lot of money, I believe. I wonder what would have happened if this person did not meet me and I did not introduce him/her to my colleagues in the industry? Only God knows. I do not know why others can take it... if they need you, they treat you nice. But once they no longer find any use for you / they have realized they have taken what they needed already, they leave you hanging. How can someone live like that? It's one of Kaila's wonders of the world, haha.
After that horrible work experience wherein I have learned so much, I was so pumped up to make "Kawaii in Manila 2" a huge success, even if we didn't have any convention planning experience before. And you could say that our success was indeed.. a "nice revenge". I do not like the term revenge because it comes off too negative / tastes like bitter but it's the closest word to describe it. However, I think that this person could even care less even if our convention flopped or succeeded. That is why I really tried my best not to feed my drive to make KIM2 as a form of a sweet revenge. Maybe at the start, that was my fuel (empowered kawaii girl appears, kidding hahaha)... but later on, with everybody's support and cheers, I became more energized because of our (then shy) kawaii community, rather than "wanting to prove this person wrong". : )
And this is why adults or veterans should not judge any kawaii-looking / child-like professional that he/she is not serious about work . I may be into kawaii stuff (for others, they think it is childish) or I may be young-looking but if it comes to work and professionalism, I will also show you work and professionalism. : )
At that time, I realized that this person was not really sincere about reaching us. And indeed, he/she has another vision with spreading Japanese culture (... maybe for $$$?). From that experience, I have learned that I shouldn't be too nice and I should strive to be less gullible so I can filter out who's real or not. I've learned that I shouldn't be easily swayed by the flowery words and flattery from a person who loves to brag / make himself/herself appear high. Show me your innermost sincerity without being shady, and.. maybe we both can work together. : )
"Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them. You have to figure out who's worth your kindness, and who's just taking advantage of you."
Even though that incident was more work-related, my learnings from that.. have really overflown. And still, I feel blessed because maybe.. The Guy Up There (Hi God), gave me that incident to prepare me for bigger challenges. Now, I feel like I have a radar. It it is not me being judgemental, but it is me being wiser.
Some people would approach you and befriend you.. not because they have sincere intentions. Some have other ulterior motives and they only like you because you have connections. Hashtag harsh reality, yup.
"If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative. Know when to close the account."
Of course, even if I had a bad experience with this person, it does not mean I should think of others / see the world in a negative way. And that this world has many fake people ... users. Of course not. There are sooooooo many beautiful things to rejoice about and one negative experience should not spoil that.
It is just that, the world is well... like that. And I just have to toughen up myself not to lose my faith in humanity (lol deep haha) or see others in a negative perspective at default. I think my judgement and knowing when to set boundaries really needed improvement that time. That is why I observe more now. And I believe more in actions rather than words. It is so easy to say that you give a damn about the world / others, but it is hard to actually make your real feelings / intentions felt.
I learned that helping others blindly is not a generous kind act,.. and is actually almost stupidity. If I would use an analogy for this, you could say that this is similar to lending money to others and at the same time.. you're the one blindfolding yourself to not see the reality.. that they are using the money for the wrong purpose.
This time, I will still be kind & helpful.. but not foolish anymore. I know now when to give, and when to stop giving. : )
"There are two kinds of people in the world:
Givers and Takers.
The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better."
And lastly, here is my favorite relatable quote to end this reflection essay lololol.
"People can only take advantage of you when you let them."
Thank you for reading~ hope you've also learned from my experience.. since clearly, I have learned a lot, haha! : )