People often ask me where I get my (seemingly endless) motivation and energy from.
Why I am so focused to achieve my dreams and plans.
In other people's eyes, it may even seem that I'm probably the most optimistic person out there (when in actuality, I'm really just the type of person who would rather focus on the positive, rather than the problems.... hmmm well... I do try~! :) ). For some, I probably appear to be living "the perfect life". Living and working in Japan, being an almost full-time blogger / producer / all-rounder in our humble company built by my brother, instagramming her life with kawaii toy photos / Japan sceneries, and the like. It is so easy to judge a person and assume that "she's just lucky", "she must be born rich" and all of that. Well, thanks (but no thanks? lolol) social media for that, haha! In reality, I would describe myself as practical. Sometimes, it surprises me more when people are surprised when I tell them that I actually take public transporation (jeep, tricycle, bus, MRT, etc.) in the Philippines. I find it really weird when they find it unusual. Nagmukha na ba akong ganoon ka-yaman? Hahaha oh no.
My life is far from that kind of utopia most people have in their minds. Oh how I wish my problems would be... actual first world problems (since I am living in a first world country, haha) such as~ which VSCO filter to use for this photo, no coins for the vending machine, and other not-so-problem problems, haha!
For more than 10 years in my life (assuming I was around age 13/14), I have already accepted the reality of "my roots" and the responsibility that came with it. And that is, to give back once I am ready.
I grew up with a lot of fears about my future, if I would turn out to be a successful person even if my circumstances were far from that goal. I was afraid because I felt that I lacked a lot of things to be a successful person.
First, I'm from a family that had a lot of financial problems (and still present tense). I grew up with family + extended family. My mom was taking care of my grandparents (until the very end) while being a mother, a wife, and a Life Underwriter (insurance). During our school years, my dad was fired from his job, and he worked as a freelance consultant about Philippine energy for many years. I helped him to setup his own blog so he could be discovered online (in which he did!). My older brothers had their own worlds. I grew up in a somewhat negative background, but thankfully.. I matured with a positive mindset. And dreaming about Japan before really helped me to attain that kind of attitude. Seriously, how can you be "optimistic" and "hopeful" when people around you are frustrated about their lives and some of them.. they lash it out on you? It took a lot of tough self-brainwashing that "Things will turn out okay" and the like. All I wanted before was to.. change my life. And once I have "completed" myself (even just for 70-80-% self approval), I can finally help out and give back.
But you know what?
I've realized along the way that even with your little means, you can also help out others even if you think you're not really capable of doing so. I remember this fond memory during second year college while I was on LOA (stopped school for a while).. or maybe before that. I went to a mall and went home with a laptop. I had the box wrapped in newspaper (I think I came home by riding a taxi / tricycle lolol #safety first). I felt so proud (hashtag self-praise.. wtf haha) and happy because I knew that my father would be so happy to receive a new laptop! That time, he was still using his old (and sad) laptop from the company that kicked him out (because company politics, tsk! May God bless them). It was such a pain to see my father working hard every single day, writing articles for his blog and editing excel sheets for his clients... with a broken laptop. After that, I promised to myself that there is no way that I cannot turn out "successful in life". And that I would not waste any peso my parents borrowed for my sake.. for my education, my future. If only I had the brains to apply and get scholarships, I would really try. But the Guy Up There gave me another set of blessings instead. Of course, I am still thankful! ^_^
Days ago, I received a facebook message from my brother. He showed me this tear-jerking video of a son, giving his parents a wonderful Christmas gift. And all I could say is... wow. That is one of my ultimate goals! ;_;
These days, I have been pondering about what has happened over the year (it feels that the days weren't enough! huhu). It's so funny because people usually have this assumption about me that I'm just pa-cute-cute lang (in Tagalog). The rough translation for this term is "trying hard to be cute", hahaha. Or sometimes, I do come off as a "workaholic". I work too hard.. I never run out of things to do. I'm too serious, and the like. Well, there are plenty of reasons behind that. Hehe! : ) But yeah, I am tired of explaining to people, because not all are genuinely asking about it.. some are just curious. And I do not have time for those who are curious + judgemental people.
I believe that time is limited, and I treasure "time" a lot.
Sometimes, I have this tendency to be impatient and try to hurry things.. but of course, with the good intentions. I just want to give back as soon as I can, when I still have the peak of my youthful energy, and while my parents can still enjoy life without worries. And this coming 2015, I am reminding myself of this goal and my responsibility as a daughter. I know that the money figure that I am looking right now is probably impossible, with my current circumstances and other areas of responsibilities. But I will try my best.
Kaila.. why do you work so hard..?
I work hard because I want to work not this hard anymore in the future.
I work hard (transitioning to -working smart-) so that my folks can stop working so hard after all of these years. :) I just want to give them a comfortable life that they both deserve. ;_;
I am motivated because I do not want to sacrifice what I really love doing (blogging, sharing kawaii, producing) for the sake of fulfilling my duties. I am aware that I have many roles in different aspects.
Ahhhh, I cannot wait for the day I (together with my brothers) can also surprise my parents with an envelope.