What Has Changed In Me

Hi all,

It’s been getting colder and colder here in Japan and autumn season is just around the corner. For some reason, I am feeling a little more pensive these days… hence, this wordy post.

I think it’s good for me to stop and reflect for a while because life has been pretty fast for me currently. I just finished my work today and I’m listening to some nature sounds outside (it rained today) and this feels like the perfect chance for me to sit down and type away my thoughts.

Sukajan from JLM STORE | Photo by Anne Pinero

I cannot believe that we are already approaching the end of the year and I am still at awe how I’ve managed to survive (still attempting to survive lol) this rocky year for personal growth. It’s not that kind of drastic change like I have turned into a completely new person… but more of realizing that I have improved a lot & getting rid of traits that I had to work on. I just wished for these before but now, everything feels natural to me. To summarize everything, I take care of myself more now compared to years ago.

To be more specific, here are some things that I have noticed that changed in me.

  • I no longer feel the need or urgency to try the newest thing / visit the most talked-about cafe / *insert trending activity* here as soon as possible. I spend most of my free time at home and if I have extra money to unwind outside, then I would give myself some fresh air. In this way, I could save up more money for my business goal. I can also turn down offers / invites now during days I have to be “responsible” (lol).

 

  • I’m better at handling my negative emotions more as compared to before. This year, I’ve been tested many times (my patience / my attitude / everything lol) by things that I simply could not control. Before, it would cause me so much anxiety and overthinking when something does not go according to plan. Though I still give myself a good cry when I get frustrated (this is my healthy outlet and crying is not a sign of weakness ^^), I have developed the mindset of letting go fast and doing my best to move on and become a problem-solver instead. There was a phase in my life that I complained about something and I did nothing about it. Good thing I realized that there’s always a better way to handle the situation. A lot of self-help articles had to be read for me to internalize this, haha!

 

  • I have started to take care of my body by being mindful of what I eat (less oily foods so that my gallstones will never ever go back again) and I always make sure I have some time to exercise / run / do some planking even for just 2-4 minutes. I can’t imagine how fast my metabolism was way back in university days. I could survive the day without sleep.. but because I’m getting older every year, it has become really different now at 26. I started to become more active in reaching my fitness goals 3 months ago and from a 27 yr. old body (I’m 26), now it’s 22 yrs. old (sometimes 23, haha). I’m so happy that I started even if it was such a struggle because of time management.

 

  • I do not feel the same “rush” when it comes to buying / shopping for clothes as compared to infant Kaila 6 years ago, haha! I’m actually decluttering my closet by reselling clothes that do not feel right anymore. I’m even okay to wearing the same outfit more frequently! When I found my lost (customized) rainbow / rainbowholic shirts, I felt so relieved! I wear the same clothes every week too, haha!

 

  • I’m now making an effort to improve my Japanese. Before, I did not have any drive at all since I knew that I could survive living in Japan even by not being fluent in this language. Recently, I’ve been wanting to express / communicate and deliver my thoughts more (instead of the basic small talk about “genki desu ka, hai genki desu” lol) during conversations with Japanese people. I do have a Japanese boyfriend but we don’t really talk in Japanese. Since his family members all speak Nihongo only & I meet them often during dinners, I want to be able to relay my stories more conveniently for them. I think that this is good push for me since at the end of the day, I’m actually doing myself a favor haha.

 

  • I spend my money more wisely now. If I know that an experience or a thing could be an investment (and has triple purpose) for me / any of my projects, I’d spend my hard-earned money on it. If not, I’d spend it on some stationery items I could offer in my shop. ^^ Earning money is hard and takes time. #reality

 

  • I don’t care much anymore about what others tell me about how I should live my life / kind of values I should have / etc. (even if they are from family members / close friends). Of course, I still listen and try to understand where they are coming from (what kind of background / family were they raised at, his / her personality / etc.). Some of my close family / friends disagree with my ways and I think that it’s okay to agree to disagree. As long as I know that I’m not intentionally hurting another person, I’d prefer to do things the way a mature Kaila would do. I’m happy with how things are right now even if my situation is not perfect / the best.. and I think that’s quite alright. 😉 I’m here to enjoy my youth and life anyway. If I cared about every single thing people have told me.. I would not be here, definitely. ^^

 

And there you go~

Wow, I typed so much haha I’m so sleepy now lolol. Please do not mind the typos and whatnot, lolol.

It feels so good to just write reflection papers on my blog.

Thank you for reading! And I’d like to know if you also feel the same sentiments as you grow older, lololol~

<3, カイラ

 

4 thoughts on “What Has Changed In Me

  1. Oh yes! the sentiments 🙁 As I grew older, I find that I’m more melancholic than the younger me. I don’t know why and well, it kinda disturbed me.

    but, thanks a lot for the post. It helps.

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  2. What a lovely post! Good for you on your personal growth. I’m a bit older than you and I’m still trying to figure things out lol.

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  3. Thanks for posting this! As i grew older i think i’ve become more mature, but i still need to change a lot of things. I think i still care too much of what other people think, specially family members, and it’s sad how this influences me so much. My personality is way different than theirs. I think because im quite a dreamer i tend to be unrealistic, and because i know that, i follow their tips, so i can stay in the #reality but I’m not that happy. At the same time, the decisions i made by myself always gave me joy, whether it’s dying my hair the color i wanted, or going to a psychologist, or journaling, lettering, deep down it’s like i know what i need. But at the same time not. Im just babbling here lolol. But i’m so proud you do you. As i matured (and went to a psychologyst) i definitely started to understand my emotions too, and handling them in a better way. Also this post just reminds me of how i really need to invest more time on my physical health, going to the gym etc. I’m sorry I’m so bad in english. Let’s keep changing~ 💕

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