"Everything you've ever wanted is right outside your comfort zone."
I don't know why but these past few weeks, I've been experiencing some personal challenges. These are actually quite work-related & I could not pinpoint why I was struggling (even with all my positivity and optimism energy bars lol.. Kaila is a human after all haha) but I think I've finally figured it out. I was feeling overwhelmed by my responsibilities because I was getting more & more uncomfortable each day. Naturally, anyone who experiences discomfort would either take it as a learning, or a negative thing. And one bad day, the negative side of me took these challenges "as a negative thing". And I cried my eyeballs out. People would usually not blog about these bad days, but here I am, showing & writing my vulnerability for the world to read. I don't know why but it does not bother me anymore whenever I share my "from 0 to 100 percent" days, haha.
Whenever I feel like I need to reenergize myself.. or to keep myself back on track, I would reach out for my favorite colored pens and notebook and draw positive doodles. After that, I would feel much better. Then my negative self would start to fade away while my positive side reawakens itself. I guess this is what makes "living" interesting. It's how you rise up whenever your knees get weakened by the fear of uncertainty. And sometimes.. many people forget about the fact that where uncertainty is, there is also the place we realize our dreams.
These days... I have been thinking, thinking about what "success" really means to me. Is it the fact that "I'm already living my dream" in Japan..? As I began to think, I think I could say that "living my dream" has been checked from my checklist already. But something still feels a little bit "off", my self would tell myself (lololol). And then one random night, it hit me.
Real success in life does not only mean living your life the way you want it to be... but it's also how you share or lift others up once you are capable of doing amazing things by your own rules. I cannot call myself as a successful person (probably at maximum, "a person who has achieved many things") until I really help someone to "make it" the way I did as well. And I guess... that is my goal with all of my projects combined. I really want to be successful with others. A lot of people helped me to be where I am today.. and the best way to repay these acts of kindness / lucks I've received for the years is to really pay it forward. I want to make others realize their potential on how great they can also become (when you believe & do, you achieve). And once they have enlightened themselves, I do hope that they would do the same with others too. After all the campaigns and promotional gimmicks I have tried out these years.. I could say that it is really possible for one to become known / discovered at something. You can become an "it girl" / top lalala for a certain period / years if you really work on it. But to be able to create an impact / positive influence in other people's lives... it's quite a different world ( since it is more of a long-term effect). And I would like to aim the latter than the former. I have just lost interest with the fame game, the hits, "staying on top" thing. Good Lord, is this Abraham Maslow's self-actualization already? Lololol.
“Sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you want to be. The person you are.”
― H.G. Wells
These days, I learned that I should be "comfortable with getting uncomfortable (temporarily)", instead of "being uncomfortable with comfortable". If you think of it quite deeply, these two things are poles apart. I realized that all my frustrations, "itch", irritation.. I shouldn't just let these make me itch or pester me while I am in my comfort zones. I should do something about these itchy things. I realized that I should not just scratch the itchiness off (it won't do anything), but I should find and go look for a medicine to completely get rid of it. And unfortunately, the itch ointments are not found in the places where I find comfort. It is outside the safe zone. It is where uncertainty resides as well. Uncertainty would sometimes scare the hell out of me since I am a "planner" kind of person.. but I'll ready myself to gulp down the fears... if that is what it takes for me to reach my dreams of sharing success with others.
Yikesss, I am writing in another language again, haha! But this is really what I've really these days. Frustrations can be quite a helpful, if you just acknowledge they exist & you befriend them.
Hello frustration, let's be friends. And hi future failures, let me learn from all you. Though please do not slap me too hard when I experience you, thank you. And I do hope that as I grow and mature, you guys better minimize yourselves lolol. : )
And~ before I end this entry, let me share a photo of my "uncomfortable" & very hectic workplace.
Chaos sponsored by Japan Lover Me, Kawaii Philippines, Kawaii Fund & Our Kawaii Tokyo. Hahaha.
This is my frustration turned into "inspiration".
Someday, I will have a better-looking office. Not just this one room.
I will also buy pretty curtains (and at the right length lol.. I actually just borrowed these from my sis-in-law) from MUJI, once I've reached my figure goal with JLM Store / Shopping Service sales.
I would rather have this "inspiring" situation than have a super clean room which has no traces of struggles and dream-to-reality action plans.