This post has been on my mind for days and I just want to write down all my thoughts about this topic. Thank you so much Eimear for suggesting this! I think that this topic is interesting and I actually get asked a lot about this. Indeed.. where the heck do I source my motivation / inspiration from?
I do read lots of books, entrepreneurship / leadership-related articles, and watch TED-x / motivational youtube videos .. but these are just 20% of the whole Kaila's Inspiration Pie. I shall be writing about the remaining 80%.
Although you probably see or view me as someone who has a perfect rainbow life since I have been living most of my chidlhood dreams now, I would say that "perfect" is still the least word to describe my life... nor I make an effort it to become one (best life >> perfect life). To calm my stormy days, I would need buckets and buckets of inspiration and consistent motivation to keep going. And these buckets are the following that I'll be discussing below. PREPARE!! So many text hahaha
1. My Past Frustrated Self
You know why I would always push people to "come out" from their shell and have the inner strength to live an unapologetic life by being your crazy amazing self? It's because I was once part of this people who were just too shy, too scared, too poor, and so much more.
During my teenage years, I was that closeted "kawaii girl" who dressed up in her room, locked the doors, took pictures of herself while getting inspiration from the Japanese fashion magazines that her brother gifted to her (I think those were also second-hand lol). I was just too shy to be fully "Rainbowholic". My family members would be surprised if I dressed up, put on little make-up, and my conservative mother would always check my outfit from head to toe and give side comments (sigh mothers haha). I was scared of being judged by people by just wearing a hair bowtie I bought from the children's section in the department store. I was too poor to afford pretty clothes and I would have to save up a week's allowance just to buy a decent graphic shirt. PHP 300 (600 JPY ) was my "mayaman" / "rich" back then. I stopped school and found ways on how to earn by helping my brother with his online business at ages 16/17. My dad got laid off and I had to teach him how to blog / make a website so that his clients can discover him (and he did). My only solace was my room which used to be our helpers' quarters (transformed into mini Kaila paradise hehe). Though we have a big house, we also have a big family and I lived my life with a lot of people and personalities. My love for Japan was considered a bit nerdy / geeky / "Japan-japan" so I temporarily hid it for security and strategized my life / visualized everything so I can finally come out of my room with a confident smile that nobody can ever take away from me.
I did not let go of my childhood dreams and I turned my frustrations as my "Someday I will" wishes and actions plans. Even though I "toned down myself" temporarily during the first years of college... it was something that I had to do. I could not go out and take the tricycle, jeepney, MRT, LRT, and all kinds of transportation while wearing an "impractical" outfit that could get a lot of looks. In Manila, I was robbed in the MRT (I just got my first "colored" Nokia that I also worked for), almost got robbed in another time, and I had a horrible hold-up experience in the jeepney.
These experiences in the past fuel my drive to be successful in the future and I swear to God that money will not be an issue anymore (to be honest, it still is now but more "adult-like" money problems such as investment lol guys no more disneyland for me until I earn a lot again haha). I went to a private university in which my parents were first against at (but it was the only school I passed UGH brain why haha) and if I chose the kawaii life that time, I would not be a good daughter. If you're already in big holy-crap-debt and you're still pursuing an expensive kawaii lifestyle, you are being a brat. That time, I just accepted the fact that I would have to work hard and get out of the university fast (and not get delayed) so I could finally buy myself pretty clothes that I deserve (just one of my top 100 things to do after earning lol).
I literally experienced all kinds of stormy / typhoon days in Manila when I was a student. I remember going home soaking wet from the typhoon because I hugged my huge accounting book because it was one of my expensive buys and I wanted to resell it again in the school for next term so that my money would go back. I almost cried when my favorite yellow shoes (MY FIRST ONITSUKA TIGER / branded shoes omg) was soaked in the flood because I had to walk across the street in Taft Avenue. Despite all these craziness that happened in my life before, I still consider these as blessings because I learned how to be "human" and I gained all those necessary qualities that I need today both as a leader and an influencer earlier in my age. I have met a lot of people who treat or see things differently, and complain first-world problems and this is why I am glad that everything I have right now is a result of the days I've strived so hard & I know how to treat all kinds of people equally. Natuto ako maging makatao kasi namulat na ako bata pa lang ako.
Now that I am typing all of these in a cafe in Harajuku, it still seems so surreal. So to you, don't give up and be practical and resourceful and use all your pent-up frustrations, negative energies, hugot and make something. So what if you come from a broken family? Your family is dysfunctional and is in big debt? So what if you're not gifted in the IQ department? I still do not see these as permanent hurdles for anyone's success story in the future. Your attitude plays a big role in everything. If everything is falling apart in your life, would you give up the fight? Cry all you want but stand up if you have to. I still get frustrated and I cry like shit because well, I am human and I am still a student in life. Learn how to be a toughie and a softie at the same time. If I have to become a bitchy Kaila.. yes I would, because I cannot be nice to all people and let them take advantage of me. However, by default, I am a softie inside hehe. The world is tough out there, but I don't want it to harden me and make me lose the goodness / hopes I have. : )
If you are lucky right now and blessed with a much comfortable life than what I did have, don't sulk and be more appreciative of what you have. If you are lost, think of ways how you can multiply or bless more the situation you are in. Remember that many would be dying to be in the position that you have so be aware of the blessings you have and come up with ways on how to grow it exponentially.
How old was I in this?!
2. #TeamRainbow (a.k.a. my loyal readers!!!!) = a HUGE inspiration of mine. <333
#TeamKaila or my readers INSPIRE me a lot. (for some reason, calling them as followers / fans just sound a bit wrong huhu. I am no celebrity nor I aspire to be one)
In this blogging world where ironically, it is rare now for bloggers to write their feels, their real days (mostly ootds, hauls, sponsored posts, events) ..and I'm here, writing about my PMS (just an example lol)... which is still shocking me because there are really people who ACTUALLY READ MY BLOG omg. I am no grammar nazi and I feel like some are judging me because my paragraphs are quite fragmented and such and my subject-verb agreement would be off (and I use a lot of parentheses or emoticons ackk ;_;).. so I am very thankful to have you guys on board. ;_; It just means that even if I'm being overwhelmingly passionate or being a crazy dreamer, I am being loved and appreciated for who I am as a human being / Kaila. People visit my blog for my thoughts, my sharings, and the like.. and that is what I appreciate most. Beauty fades and I might not be in my best shape in the FARRRR future (lolol universe pleasee no) and I know that you #TeamRainbow would be there for me~ ^^
It is not my goal to be #1, to retain a spot, to be more "liked", to hunger for more fame... I just want to do great, be a good influence, share what inspires me, share what I think can inspire others, and enlighten frustrated souls (who used to be also a shadow of Kaila) with my real-life learnings.
3. The Nonbelievers, Dream Naysayers & Eyebrow Raisers (a.k.a. the population you wouldn't want to be part of)
It's weird but the more you say I cannot do it and I know that your claims have no basis (maybe insecurity? fear?), I would be smart enough to use that negativity to be recycled to something more positive & useful called... optimism (armed with a strategy / battle plan). In my life and especially my kawaii career, I have had a lot of rejections and I've dealt with people who I later on found out to be taking advantage of my sincerity and they are feeling all superior and all mighty. I do not look up to people who have money or connections and all those. I look up to people who use their blessings / these money, connections, and all that they have... to do something good for others. Or better, their plan for success in life does not involve attempting to drag others down.
I used to be all naive and accommodating to all, until I woke up one day and I realized that some just really want to GAIN for themselves by taking a pie from me. Good Lord, try to take all my pies in the world and I would definitely come up with ways on how to make more variations of these pies lol. Why steal when you can ask nicely and not be a jerk?
Some people treat other people like crap because it's a reflection on how they feel about themselves or simply... it's just the way they do things and business. I have helped and raised others even if I only had little back then and later on I realized that.., they just want more and more. And I can only give them my back since I am already heading to my goal destination and I just really have no time for these.
So to all these people who thought I would not make it here, THANK YOU. Thank you for the additional motivation that was much-needed. And arigatou for the wake-up call and making me feel glad that I am not like you. :D
I hope that the ending was not too heavy haha.
Anyway, I have to go and meet someone in Harajuku now.
Thanks for taking time to read this entry! How about you, what inspires / moves you to make action? : )