Hello everyone! My body is still recovering from all the fun, screams, and rollercoaster rides we had in FUJI Q Highland. I thought that I would be 100% okay after the whole day of trying out the world's craziest rides.. but the motion sickness came quite late after. Ackkk. ;_;
For today's reflective post, this is something that I've been pondering for quite some time as well. I don't know if I've mentioned this here on my blog but I had my third "FB detox" and just had a comeback again after 3 months? : )) I do facebook detox because I'm more productive when I use my "for work only" FB account. It feels good to be back though. I missed interacting with (more) people, haha! For some reason, I now use my FB account (since I have set it on public before) just for project-related announcements, etcetera.. Anyway, this is not the subject for this blog entry, lolol. I don't even know why I wrote those, but there.. hahaha.
Whenever I think & reminisce my ~journey~ from a frustrated dreamer in Manila, and all the crazy things and the wonderful and not-so-wonderful people (God bless you all) I've met along the way to where I am now (who is still in the process of figuring / trying things out).. all I can say is.. "phew". Or.. WOW.
When I started, I was this innocent and wide-eyed girl who gave so muchhh damn about others... mindlessly. It was probably because I wanted to be accepted by people, or to be adored by them. At first, it was great. I thought I made many friends who would fight for me, as I would fight for them as well. But being a people-pleaser.. oh God, I am never going back to that. Now, my maximum would be.. professional / nice / civil or "neutral" towards the people who I have come across with & I've personally confirmed through experience that they do not treat / see me the same way I would treat / "see" them. I think that... that is the most mature stance when you meet people again who have hurt or disappointed you.. it's not being "fake", but it's being mature. : )
I'm not sure if I have written about these feels on my previous entries before but since I treat my blog as a personal documentation of my growth as a person, I'm going to put these here. I am pretty sure that some people out there might have encountered these one or the other. Or maybe not yet.
It's weird but even though I have many "friends", I know for sure that I have only few *friends* within those circles. These *friends* are the ones who would fight for our relationship, through the good and the bad. These people are the real ones who would love me for my own quirks.. and they keep me grounded. They just do not come and go. They come, stay with me even if I cannot explain myself, and we go together and move on. Even if we don't see each other for months or years, I know that we wish each other well.
I am quite the loyal-type of a friend and sometimes, I would go far and do favors for people whom I consider as friends. I know that I am not a perfect person, and sometimes I expect so much from people. I didn't know that my little expectations were too much for them, that is why sometimes.. my heart would become broken when I find out through little & big instances about who they really are. They do not really care for me.
"We never lose friends. We simply learn who the real ones are."
Honestly, as I have gained more success and success in terms of getting known / discovered through my own hard work, some of my relationships with friends have drifted apart. At first, I thought that I must have done something wrong to them for them to act like that towards me. I may be a tough cookie as I would always say, but I do get hurt. :( If only all of us here wished genuine success for each other, wouldn't this world be such a wonderful place to live in? Even if we are in the same industry, we can still make our own pies of glory to become successful. We can be not greedy and we can be more open-minded by thinking, "Hey, we can make our own mountain of success by not using people we befriend as ladders.". This is why I have some trust issues now, or should I say... I'm more cautious now. And this is probably why I blog about these because I want to educate my readers who are also dreamers / future successful people in their respective fields or whoever reads this reflective entries of mine that we can be a bunch of positive-thinking successful people who can be friends with each other. これはできるよ〜 I think that it is possible if we think less of ourselves and it is not always "me, me, me".
I just don't really like it when people approach you with that friendly face, and then once that they have gained so much from you.. they just leave you hanging one day. Or sometimes, they treat you nice because you have a lot of help to offer, but when you have nothing for them... they do not want to be involved with you.
Anyway, I know that my experiences happened for a reason. And these would be useful in the future. : )
"Sometimes you just have to distance yourself from people. If they care, they'll notice. If they don't, you know where you stand."
On Successes & Woes of Being Treated Differently
One of my woes of being a community leader / "founder" of Kawaii Philippines / Japan Lover Me is that I know for the fact that people treat me quite differently.. Honestly, I think that being treated with a certain level of respect is just the minimum and in my opinion, whether you're a founder of something or you don't have a "title", you deserve to be treated with equal respect too. We're all humans at the end of the day, without all the titles (we've made up).
When I built Kawaii PH with friends, I may have been the one who gathered everyone together ... or I may be the "front" of the entire Kawaii Philippines community, but I consider myself as "The Person Given With A Task", and not more than that. I do not wish to create a community that would idolize me or for them to become #RainbowholicFanatics. No please, no. Haha. I just believe that I have a mission to fulfill.. and that is to create a helpful community that can serve as a support group for one another with one common interest, which is "kawaii!".
That is why sometimes, I get hurt too when I find out that.. the people who helped me, whether they are my teammates or long-time Kawaii PH supporters, they are being treated differently, in a not-so-good way.. just because they don't have the "title". I do not like taking 100% credit of anything if I know for a fact that many people are involved in making this certain project as a success. The gift that was given to me was to gather people for a common cause. And all of these would not be possible if my team / our Kawaii PH supporters did not contribute their time and effort.
I may be just thinking out loud or being super pensive again but there. I hope that Kawaii PH would grow as how I have personally envisioned it to be. A creative, helpful, supportive, motivating, inspiring & positive community of kawaii girls (and guys!) from different fields. As much as possible, I'd like to eliminate the negative feelings such as "competitiveness", "I'm more kawaii than you" (lololol), "I have more money to buy kawaii things than all of you".. and more of the..
"Hi, I'm a kawaii sempai (senior) and I can help you out!"
"Thank you kawaii sempai! Yoroshiku!" - Kawaii kouhai (junior).
“Lead from the back — and let others believe they are in front.” - Nelson Mandela
Well I guess that would be all for now. I feel so much better & livelier after writing down all of these. : )
Whenever I write something down, for me it is a symbolic way of either calling the universe to cooperate with me to achieve my dreams, or creating a reading material that can serve as a learning reminder for me in the future. : )